From: Joe M. McClendon (
Subject: The Whining Wino Go Player
Date: 1998~7~29


From: Joe M. McClendon (
February 10, 2001

The following article was posted to the newsgroup on July 29, 1998. It was written and posted as a parody and satire. Several editing and formatting changes have been made to correct minor errors and omissions.





I do not remember all of the details, but it seems that I have heard or read stories very much like the following many times.

A wino gets kicked out of a bar because he did not behave properly. He hangs around the bar for months and months, hoping that someday, someone will apologize to him and invite him to patronize the bar again. He admits that he failed to behave properly, even after he had been warned, but he thinks he should be readmitted because of his feeling that those who kicked him out were not very courteous. However, he tells everybody who will listen that the employees and management and the general atmosphere of the bar are terrible and that smart customers should go to a nearby bar that is smaller and much more relaxed and friendly. He also tells everybody who will listen that he is still hanging around the terrible bar because he wants to help improve the policies and management of the bar and he wants to warn and help protect new patrons who may not realize what a terrible bar it really is.

The poor wino correctly realizes that if he is regarded as just another noisy human derelict, few will listen to him and even fewer will be willing to support his sad crusade. So, he spends much of his time trying to convince others that he is very reasonable, very talented, very well educated and very respectable. But nevertheless,

many of those who had briefly listened to him soon become annoyed and bored by his twisted logic and his endless, whining complaints. He easily gets into numerous arguments and fights with some of the employees and patrons of the bar. Of course, he always blames the others for starting the arguments and fights.

After several months, the wino announces that he will not ever go back into the terrible bar again, even if the bar management announces a very generous general amnesty and promises him free drinks and free snacks for life. Then, when he is questioned about why he still hangs around the bar after making this announcement, he becomes frantic as he searches for some kind of plausible answer. He kicks himself for making it so easy for his critics to attack the fragile logic that forms the very foundation of his sad crusade. After many hours of frustration, he finally decides that publicly attacking one of his critics with very vulgar language is the only way he can respond.

But, after doing so, he sobers up a little and sadly realizes that his vulgar language will probably cause more and more observers to begin regarding him as just another noisy human derelict.

After several more months, the poor wino grows tired of all of the stupid people who will not listen to his arguments or support his crusade and all of his ignorant critics who always seem to push the appropriate buttons. He thinks more and more about a grand slam triple whammy that he could easily accomplish without any assistance from anyone. With just one bold, but simple stroke, he could punish all of them by moving to a far away city and not ever communicating with any of them again. Then, the stupid fools would no longer have the benefit of his wisdom, his ignorant critics would not have him to kick around any more and he would have an opportunity to get a new life and live happily ever after. He would also have time to start playing Go again, because he would no longer need to use all of his spare time to write articles for HAPPY DAYS would be back again ! He shakes his head and wonders why he did not think of this simple solution much sooner. But typically, like many poor winos before him, he can not decide about which city he should move to or the best time for him to move.

Unfortunately, I do not remember the names of the bars or the name of the poor wino. Some who read this article may feel that the two bars seem very much like IGS and NNGS and that the poor wino can only be Geenius. Hey !!! That seems like excellent detective work !!! Of course, I realize that most of those kicked out of bars and other establishments are not winos. Some of those kicked out are rats and some are cockroaches, but they are usually smart enough to get out of sight as quickly and quietly as possible. :-) :-)

Well folks, not much of a story, is it ? You're right, it's not. Perhaps that is because we do not expect winos to behave in much of a rational manner, although we feel sorry for them and we hope that circumstances will never cause us to sink down to their low level.



Joe M. McClendon - - hamaki on IGS
" Journalists come down from the safety of the hills after the battle and shoot the wounded." - The late Robert C. Maynard, former editor and publisher, Oakland Tribune.


Exposition ~ Satire ~ Parody

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